Two Weeks

When everything feels like a paradox.

Bryan Allain

It's been two weeks since Parker’s spirit was ushered into the presence of God. How is our family doing? That’s a tough question to answer.

Every day, sometimes every hour, is a paradox. There is unbearable sadness and there is unexplainable peace. There is disorienting confusion and there is comfortable normalcy. There is suffocating despair and there is hope and love that cuts right through it. There are healing tears and there is healing laughter. We don’t mind you asking how we’re doing, just know that it’s tough to explain.

One thing is for sure; our family will never be the same because Parker was such an integral part of who we are. Grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, and friends who felt like family are all grieving along with the three of us. And the special bond that Kylie, Erica, and I had with him is something we’ll all cherish forever.

His relationship with Kylie was so special. They had their moments bickering, but they didn’t fight. There weren’t stretches of hours or days where they couldn’t stand each other, it was literally a few minutes and then all was forgotten. That’s an equal testament to both of them. Parker was an amazing brother, and we’ve heard stories since his passing about how proud he was of Kylie and the glowing terms he used to talk about her. And of course, Kylie is, and always will be, an amazing sister.

Parker and his mom had such a special connection. Whenever we’d watch TV as a family, Kylie and I needed a little personal space to spread out. But Mom and Parker would always snuggle up close under the same blanket. It’s something he never outgrew. They loved to watch documentaries together, they loved going to concerts together, and they had such a sweet, sweet bond. He never once raised his voice, slammed a door, or got angry at her. Never. And that is a testament to not only how amazing a son Parker was, but also how amazing a mom Erica is.

Parker and I had an incredibly special bond as well, and because of shared interests we have always been able to spend a lot of time together. We played baseball together since he could walk and throw, and most recently, over the last two years, it was playing golf together. He was a natural athlete, but that doesn’t always translate to golf. But for him, it did. Everything it took me 20 years to achieve playing golf, that little stinker did in 2 years, including beating me for the first time back in August. The only person prouder of him than he was of himself, was me.

And I know when I talked about Parker, a lot of the time it was about sports, but make no mistake. I was way prouder of him for who he was than for anything he did on a field or golf course. The best thing about Parker wasn’t his coordination or athletic talent, it was his kind, sweet, joyful, spirit. And he knew I valued that above everything else because I looked him in the eye and told him that very thing a few weeks before he passed.

What a sweet, special kid. We long to be reunited with him and be in his presence, but we also believe God still has stuff for us to do here on this earth before that happens. Another paradox.

We miss you like crazy, P-Man, can’t wait to be with you again.