Oh everything you say here is so true. My brother died in 2005 from anaphylaxis due to a nut allergy. He was the youngest of the 4 of us and only 21. I literally thought at first that I would die from grief. I sat and stared at times. And for two months, I packed my kids in the car every day, drove to my parents house, and laid on the floor. And then I stopped doing that one day. My children were 2 and 4 at the time, and because I was 10 years older than my brother, in many ways, it was like losing a child. Unlike the lives of my siblings who were close in age, I remembered every minute of my brother’s life. My children saved me I’m sure. The fact that I needed to do right by them even in my profound grief. And one morning, my son, who has the same name as my brother said, “Mommy, I’m a Robert too. And if it makes you less sad, even though I like being your son, I can be your brother now.” And in his eyes and his selflessness, I found strength. This October marks 15 years without my brother. And you do go on. And things are funny again. I think your brain starts to protect you. And then there are days where I am in the moment of first finding out he’s gone. And I scream. And I cry. And then I regroup, and I keep going. My life was forever changed in that moment and when I feel overwhelmed, I remember that the 21 years of having my brother were a gift. And as long as I’m alive, it is my honor to live for both of us now. Absolutely this would not have been my choice but it’s the least I can do for having had him in my life.
I hope that you continue to find your strength on those dark days.
Love your vulnerability, Bryan. Been following your humor stuff for years and almost know your family from afar via all those LOST family photos. Aching with you in your loss of Parker. I know your words mean a lot for others who have also lost sons and daughters long before their time. Prayers for you and the whole family and all impacted by Parker.
So helpful to read as we are experiencing a sudden death. Our daughter-in-law’s father died in a violent car crash. We are grieving his loss. Thank you for writing!
Oh everything you say here is so true. My brother died in 2005 from anaphylaxis due to a nut allergy. He was the youngest of the 4 of us and only 21. I literally thought at first that I would die from grief. I sat and stared at times. And for two months, I packed my kids in the car every day, drove to my parents house, and laid on the floor. And then I stopped doing that one day. My children were 2 and 4 at the time, and because I was 10 years older than my brother, in many ways, it was like losing a child. Unlike the lives of my siblings who were close in age, I remembered every minute of my brother’s life. My children saved me I’m sure. The fact that I needed to do right by them even in my profound grief. And one morning, my son, who has the same name as my brother said, “Mommy, I’m a Robert too. And if it makes you less sad, even though I like being your son, I can be your brother now.” And in his eyes and his selflessness, I found strength. This October marks 15 years without my brother. And you do go on. And things are funny again. I think your brain starts to protect you. And then there are days where I am in the moment of first finding out he’s gone. And I scream. And I cry. And then I regroup, and I keep going. My life was forever changed in that moment and when I feel overwhelmed, I remember that the 21 years of having my brother were a gift. And as long as I’m alive, it is my honor to live for both of us now. Absolutely this would not have been my choice but it’s the least I can do for having had him in my life.
I hope that you continue to find your strength on those dark days.
Love your vulnerability, Bryan. Been following your humor stuff for years and almost know your family from afar via all those LOST family photos. Aching with you in your loss of Parker. I know your words mean a lot for others who have also lost sons and daughters long before their time. Prayers for you and the whole family and all impacted by Parker.
So helpful to read as we are experiencing a sudden death. Our daughter-in-law’s father died in a violent car crash. We are grieving his loss. Thank you for writing!
beautiful, comforting, hopegrowing thoughts.
Thank you for sharing your heart. Praying for Gods continual comfort and healing over all of you everyday ❤️❤️
So beautiful Bryan